Continued from Part III (Part III is here)
He took her to her favourite street the next day, where she shopped all that she wanted. She stepped into each shop she discovered and each shop she remembered. He accompanied her like a lapdog carried in a bag in the streets of Beverly Hills. Every shop she stopped he took his charge somewhere at the corner of the shop and assumed a stand-at-ease position with his hands folded and his right hand index finger flickering on the right side of the lip. He allowed his mind to wander around to think of a way to come out of his situation. He exhibited an inactive participation in the shopping. Each time he took his wallet out, he gave a prolonged look at the credit cards and counted his money twice, which was hard for his wife to digest. Having noticed this weird practice with her husband, she sensed something was wrong. She closed her shopping and decided to pack off to home. He was so engrossed in his worries that failed him from noticing her wife’s unusual decision of cutting the shopping short. He took her to her favourite restaurant but she refused to eat out reasoning “I feel a bit bloated”.
Once when they got back home, she continued to monitor her husband’s behavior which appeared unusually odd. He substituted his dinner with a glass of hot water and hit his sack with a novel in his hand. She accompanied him after a short dinner. She was wondering what would have gone wrong. She saw the novel standing on her husband’s hand for a longtime with the same leaf left just undisturbed. She displayed her concern saying “Honey, turn off the lights. You should be exhausted.” He turned down the lights as per her command and decided to rest, perhaps he could not rest. He climbed down the stairs and headed towards the medical shelf. He spilled 2 sleeping pills on his hand, then he thought for a while and the 2 became 4. After he popped those, he got back to his sack.
In the middle of the night, he started sweating bizarrely. He recollected what he did the previous night, yes he recalled. It was the tablets in empty stomach that was revealing few adverse effects. He knew that was not going to last long and he covered his blanket back on him and tried to sleep. He proceeded to the next step where he had a mild jaw pain, and then he sensed his right hand was paining. When he attempted to lift his hand to wake his wife, he realized he could not lift it with ease. The pain aggravated and reached his shoulder. It was heavy by the time he realized. He was gradually suffocating and he knew he was choking to death. With his desperate measures to reach his wife, he tried to pronounce her name perhaps his attempts were in vain. He made a craving endeavour to reach his wife who was on his right. He lifted his right hand to give her a hit and it was all that was possible from him.
She got up and was shocked to see her husband sweating profusely. She discovered he was in an excruciating pain, but she had no clue why it happened and what exactly was happening with him. Then she realized he was having a heart attack. She panicked and could not call back from her memory the 911 service in India. She picked the glass filled with water which was next to him. She tried to quench him with water, perhaps drops that went in made its way out. Her throat dried shaken by the situation. He was chocking and she chocked along with him. On her attempts to wipe the sweat triggered by her reflux, made her sweat profusely along with him. She could not bear the pressure, she was gasping for breath. She felt like she was strangled by a 1000 at a time. She earnestly prayed for an immediate relief but what would happen without an effort. Her nose started bleeding, she went up and down as her lungs were almost moved to vault where there was no air to be distributed along with her blood. She became handicapped resulted by the collective impact of her panic and her guilt that she could not do anything good to save her husband. She started muttering in pain. She was denied access to her voluntary actions. None of the parts of her body obeyed her. With one final and desperate attempt to get rid of her suffering, she screamed from the bottom of her stomach aloud to free herself.
Her husband came running and said “Honey, wake up”. The moment she got up she scanned her husband if he was alright. She checked her nose, if she was bleeding. She recognized it was merely a dream as a result of what she observed of her husband the last evening. Frames of him checking his purse, starring his credit card and the way he let himself lost during shopping flashed in front her eyes. She arranged everything and correlated to understand that her husband had trouble meeting ends. He asked her “Are you fine?” She replied back “I have an anniversary gift for you. I have decided to go to job.” With hopes oozing out in his eyes and overwhelming relief he spoke back “You are such a gift to me which would understand everything unsaid”. She reciprocated to him with his favourite smile on her face accompanied by a drop of tear on the verge of her eyes.
“Thank you for your time & Have a great day”
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Awesome ramya… loved reading this story! wat an understanding between them
Really! Thanks man. You predicted a tragic ending right ?. So I guess I can believe my story was not predictable this time.
sorry im stealing this story from u and sending it to my close ur friends.. dnt worry im mentioning ur link in it
What a nice way of appreciation!!!!!! Thanks Vijay
the story is pretty decent and touching..i liked the presentation of the entire story.. especially the wordings used by you ramya..
the following is my favorite line in the entire story:
“Having decided to veil it, he consoled himself he had enough vitamin M (money) to manage the next day’s shopping and make ends meet for other 2 more months.”
vitamin M-nice witty word to describe its essentiality..
Thank you Lakshmi Kanthan for your Descriptive compliment.
really brave work ramya……..have to appreciate the hard work. i usually give out my review in the following manner…so here goes
PROS:
1} good story- a simple one. your story has a beginning, a middle piece and an end.
2} narration- good work on that. the problems faced by the husband is narrated elaborately. a reader could very well understand and sympathize the husband’s situation
CONS:
1} an amateur piece of literary work. vocabulary is very very poor!
2} your screenplay is very predictable.
baseline: just like the dialogue:’it was close but he could not close’…..i appreciate the hard work, but have to work harder…………………………………….