Since I was small, I have always had a vacuum within me, drifting me away from the complete happiness that I deserve. I have had a terrible schoolhood with a whole lot of male teachers bullying me which was very obvious to others. I was a special target for few teachers and the pickings led to unwanted pricking that left a deep scar, deep enough to linger the unpleasant part of my brain which I usually manage to dominate, but still its just dormant and it always erupts like a volcano just with a mild trigger, kick starting the most hatred mood swings. I can not be the real me when it springs up and I go numbed by speech and handicapped to think except for one thing that sweeps over and over again in my brain. May be it is because the teachers were childish enough not to understand my childishness at that time. Added to that, I did not receive any real appreciation from the most praised relationship. Not to be blamed, she never thought I was a beautiful kid, nonetheless I was clever enough to figure it out. However, now I know its not her fault, may be just the inferiority complex that hid within her overshadowed her love for me without her knowledge.
The time I realised I was out of it was when I was in my college. My college was a paradise, where I saw real relationships. My college was so disciplined and it carried a conservative charisma on its own as there were so many pairs, but none were found obscene within the premises of the college and they just added to the aesthetics of the college and maintained it so well. Hats off my friends. Though there were ample of couples, my gang never had time to give a thought to be like them. We just had enough time to pull each others legs and stay so attached to each other. There is where I came to know about a girl’s inborn trait to express care. Though I am a girl, I have never enjoyed it from another girl but still I have exhibited it in ample. There was a girl in my gang who liked me a lot for what I am. I am a tomboy with a boyish attitude, brave thoughts and a determination to come up in life. She always spent time with me more than with others. We never hesitated to share food and travel together, and we were blessed to spend the whole day together. Every activity of her expressed a sense of care and a sign of love. I have wondered how one could be so affectionate. But not to mention, even I was the same with my brother during his years of unstable health.
Nevertheless, this is something I always see missing in a guy. Though their world is different, love is common for both the genders. In fact a common point where two different genders merge is just love. I feel there is a lack in commitment whenever they get committed. The sincerity is missing there. I have seen a lot of proposals and guys, but they do not seem to abide by their own decision. Why is the enthusiasm while proposing gradually thins down when they fall in commitment. Sometimes it is so worse that they easily make up their mind to forgo a longterm relationship. When it comes to love, they are happy, perhaps marriage freaks them out. When marriage freaks them, they decide to back out. Backing out just means giving up a girl whom they like, how can one give up a girl for such silly reasons. Their world is too complicated, but the worst part is that they do not step forward to make an analysis to rate them where they stand in a personal relationship. I have seen 2 pairs so close to me, well to mention they are both married. The point is, I have heard from both the girls that marriage talks were always initiated by them and men went reluctant during those talks. I do not understand where they want a love to end up if not in marriage.
In my opinion, a girl is an incarnation of an angel sent down to earth to take care of men and prevent the extinction of species. A perfect girl in my notion should be with full of aspirations to financially assist her husband and family, and filled with patience and an inborn nature to adjust (not to give up her dream). A beauty added to these traits makes an ideal girl. How can men say no to a girl of this kind ?
To a girl of this kind, a man is expected to fall in love and kiss her on her forehead and to grab her hand to express “You are mine”. Well in most cases it does happen, perhaps on a gender to gender attraction basis and not on a real love basis. If it is a real love, why should they fear a lifelong commitment. This is exactly why I have always wished to be a guy to love a girl to show how one has to love a girl. Though I have not executed it yet and though I do not have idea of executing it as I do not want to go against nature, yet there is a strong impression that rankles into my ears that girls are better when it comes to relationship.
If there is someone to be blamed, that should be Nature for making me think this way and if there is someone to be appreciated, it should be me for accepting the way Nature is and abide by it and not being artificial or unnatural that would lead to the extinction of our species.
“Thank you for your time & Have a great day”
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Ramya, I can understand that this is based on your experience. but what I feel is nowadays the commitment with girls’ is getting reduced when it comes to marriage thts bcoz of secureness that thy are not getting from their boy friends. they wud have startd to love during the days of their college and obviuosly girls will be gettn married bfore boys. Most of the boys would have not settled at that time, they would have just started their career in a company or still studying. there comes the second thought in girls’ mind and they start to think on options of who will be the best for their rest of the life as a husband. here comes the break up….
Ramya Writes: Yes but does not happen with all girls. A guy can always ask a girl to wait, no matter what she will wait just to respect his genuine love and that makes a real relationship.
Exactly that is called as true love which shows care that they have on each other and also a deep level of understanding.
Ramya Writes: I could not agree more.
HI,
it sounds like the usual generalization of men… i don’t disagree fully. we can say the same things about women also. i do agree man needs to improve a lot, specially in our society. yes, men and woman are different and both our worlds are complicated. but i don’t understand it when women always complain why is men like this and that….. don’t you think there are very specific reasons for what all of us are. our characters, ideology, behaviors all are interlinked to how we are brought up, where we are brought up, our experiences etc….
another doubt about – “I am a tomboy with a boyish attitude, brave thoughts and a determination to come up in life.” –
do u attribute “brave thoughts and a determination to come up in life ” to being a “tomboy with a boyish attitude” or are they 3 different things which has nothing to do with each other?
about ur scar, u dominating over it keeps it dormant but to erupt like a volcano later…resulting in mood swings…. which is a negative result… don’t you think dealing with it wud help face ur demons and to kill it. I do think thats part of “real u” . everyone has bad experiences , its how we translate it to something positive is what one shud be concentrating… these are jus my opinions ….and sorry if i sound impolite
cheers
pradeep
Ramya Writes: I will reply to you one by one.
Point no.1 Women complaint because, women seem to have some feeling, but men do not seem to have any or seem to exhibit.
Point no.2 I know we are all on earth for a purpose, but I do not understand what point you are trying to make here.
Point no.3 Boyish attitude and determination to come up in life – I think both goes hand in hand.
Point no.4 Had I not turned the disappointments into positive outlets, I would not have grown so far.
Last but not the least – I see a little bit of advice here and there. I am not really good at listening to advice. Fight with me and I will fight back. Advice me and I will vanish…..
hi again, thx for ur reply
more often the real intention may not come out of words that are written, so apologies if it sounded like advice….. i never advice people. I only giv my opinions…. and i re read what i had written and yeah the last bit might look like advice…. but that was not my intention. maybe i cud hav rephrased it. anyways i jus stated some generic stuff that are known to everyone….. and i don like fighting … i support healthy arguments
1. agreed women are more sensitive…[not all thou]….. again im jus stating my opinions…i don’t think men are emotionless robots…. and most women wud agree to this point. men in general don’t show or exhibit emotions like women do – this is true….. cause we are different. again reasons are nature , our social settings. etc… im goin beyond y we are like this …. behind reasons y men are like the way u stated….. same goes for women too.
2.im an atheist, so i believe in science, natural selection and evolution. so im not going to argue with purpose of life….. as you might have totally different views about it and im not here to change anybody s beliefs or views.
3. i think a lot of women wud take offence to relating determination to come up in life to men’s attitude or boyish attitude. im no feminist but having a “passion for anything” or “to come up in life” can be a common trait for both men and women.
4. i jus stated my opinion about that one particular issue…as u had stated in ur post that u still have some issues wit it. again i’m nobody to tell what u have to do…. but i can always suggest my views. i haven’t judged you or figured you out with jus one post to suggest that you haven’t done anything positive in ur life, that wud be extremely stupid of me.
i jus cut to the chase without being too formal……. maybe thats the reason it sounds like advice….
cheers
pradeep
Ramya Writes:
My counters
Point 1: Not all women are insensible and not all men are emotionless. At least when it comes to India, the otherwise is predominating. I am a sensible woman looking for a man with reasonable emotions. Ultimate point is both of us should feel, it is not worth giving up for any reason.
Point 2: I am an atheist too, therefore you do not have to change my view.
Point 3: When it comes to India, determination to come up in life is attributed to men more than to women. Somehow everything adds up that way.
Point 4: Thanks for your clarification. I still have issues as mentioned. Hopefully, I will be out of it in the near future.
so we do agree on most of the things….
great to know that u r an atheist. Jus one more thing about point 3…. now i agree with ur counter. In India, we have a hypocritical male dominated society which made the whole coming up in life thing a male bastion and thats wrong. women are equally strong to men when it comes to passion and will power. all the best and thx fr sharing ur thoughts.
cheers
pradeep
Ramya Writes: Thank you Pradeep. Nice debate and I enjoyed it.