After a long time, if I have cried it is because of you. For all these days, my heart was longing to tell a lot to you. When you were not ready to listen, it wept to itself as it had no strength to bear the pain you gave it.
After a macroscopic view on the aggregation of my requirements, I came to a conclusion that I am thoroughly looking for a moral support and nothing else. When I longed where I could find it, you crossed my mind. We are friends for such a long time and I knew you were deceived by a girl. This simply tells me, how best I know you.
When I expressed my feelings, you did not give me any kind of reaction, rather you were absolutely neutral, neutral than what I expected of you. I did not want to disturb you for the reason that we have been friends for years and that should not be subjected to my week sensitivities.
After a while, you came up to me to say “wait for me for a year and you can consider me”. You uttered a lot, “I cannot live without you”, “Let us go abroad and settle there”.
You gave me so many options to be with you, but you never spoke about marriage. When I opened to you on that, you turned out to be reluctant. We never had a boyfriend – girlfriend conversation. We do not know the relationship that prevails between us at the moment. May be I overestimated on what you told me or maybe you underestimated my value in your life.
We have no clue of what’s between us, however I know I cannot see anyone who could put me in such a cushioned comfort zone as you did. Perhaps, how long should the wait continue; certainly you are worth the wait, but how long?
I have never been so depressed, I have never felt so lonely, but when I questioned myself on my future, I do not see a bright future without you in it. When I discovered that I am not even close to it, tears rushed out of my eyes to roll on my cheeks. When I realized I was crying I started weeping as I unraveled the fact that I am no more mine. You came into me and anchored so deep into me. Now if you want to pull it away without pain, do you think it is even possible?
If you surpass me to say “Let us move on to part ways from each other”, do you think I can even take it? If you guess I can take it, I will decide to incur another pain to overshade this. Well, I am not an idiot to think of suicide at this age, may be if not for you, I will have to live my dream and my family.
If we happen to meet after years, I may see you with your family, but I will be seen single just the same way I was when you decided to forgo me just because you were unstable. It never really started for you to end it so early, even before I could learn that we had something. At the top of it all, you expressed your liking for me. You like me but still don’t want me, that’s something nobody could ever bear. You bore the brunt of your depressions and displeasures in life on me.
You always have a choice, whereas I had only one option and which was you. If there was a reason for me to be fascinated towards you, that’s only because of our understanding which has been mounting up for years. Finally I am here to know that I know nothing of you. I cannot invest another set of years to look for another. If there is a guy in my life, that is just you and without you, my life is just me.
I do not know if this letter deserves to be posted. I have put in utmost effort to get what we want, the rest is up to you.
“Thank you for your time & Have a great day”